Circumstancial Crush
by M.L. Shards
Summary: A peek inside one of Lucy's journal entries...One shot


Don't own Narnia, please no flames, you don't like the topic of the story, don't read it.

Minor incest (so minor I doubt I could even call it suggested)

Lucy POV

* * *

It started out as a joke.

I wasn't stupid or anything, I just, well, Edmund was my older brother and had grown much more mature over the years we spent in Narnia. I felt that even a few months after we got back from Narnia some of that maturity would have stuck. Maybe I was wrong.

Edmund and Peter never got along well, both overly noble, and with Peter holding his age as a rank over Edmund, it made him a bit resentful. Still, they loved each other dearly and I though, "Oh Edmund would never to anything to really hurt Peter,"

As I said earlier, it started off as a joke. Edmund had come to me one day after a particularly bad verbal fight with Peter and said he'd pay me five pounds if I'd nudge Peter at the top of the stairs. Now that I think about it, he must have been joking or just mad and didn't really mean it. I however was very mad that he'd even suggest something like that.

I didn't intentionally push Peter down the stairs as you might suspect by now. I had screamed at Edmund until he got fed up and yelled something at me. What it was I don't remember now, but I had run off crying, not watching where I was going. No, I didn't run into Peter, but Susan who was wondering the halls of the Professor's house.

"Lucy, what's wrong?" she asked.

I had mumbled something incoherent, but wouldn't let go of her. That's when Peter had shown up.

"What happened here?" Peter asked directing the question to Susan, but I didn't care.

"He, he called me a name," I sniffled grabbing a hold of his pants.

Peter bit his lip and twitched his head the way he'd done only once before in the Beaver's house, "I'm going to kill him," he stated in the exact same way as before.

"Peter, what are you two fighting about now?" Susan sighed, everyday they seemed to find something new to fight about, they had been kicked outside by Mrs. Macready at least three times.

"It's nothing Su'" he sighed then crouched down so his eyes were level with mine, he wiped away one of the tears streaming down my cheeks, "it's nothing you did Lu', he's upset with me and had no right to take out his anger on you."

I nodded.

I grew up in Narnia. I had seen a battlefield, we all had been adults only a few months ago and now suddenly we were children again, bickering over everything. Edmund called me a name and I was bawling. I was stronger than that, I had heard worst than that and been fine, but still it could bring me to tears at that age.

I hugged Peter, and he wrapped his arms around me, he was so much more comforting than Susan, still is. She always seemed to think everything was silly even after Narnia, but Peter had changed. He was warmer and gentler, sure he still got into fights with Edmund and was a bit short tempered, but he always knew what to say to me. He didn't treat my problems as nothing anymore. Maybe he was trying to make up for saying those things to me before he discovered Narnia was real, but he suddenly became different, and we became closer.

Back to the stair thing, a few days later Edmund had taken my notebook. I think it was a bit of revenge because Peter had lectured him after I told on him. He was running through the house with my notebook held high above his head. I was of course running after him.

"Edmund, give it back!" I cried trying to catch up with him.

At this point in time Peter was walking up the stairs. Edmund had zoomed around him, unfortunately for Peter and I, I hadn't been paying a lot of attention and ran headlong into him. The force had knocked both of us down the stairs, but I ending up landing on Peter, he wasn't so lucky.

"Ouch."

That's the only remark he made, but I could tell he was in a bit more pain than, "ouch" could cover. I followed him around for about an hour (my notebook forgotten), apologizing and offering to make up for it in some way. He just brushed it off and said he was fine. There was one time in Narnia that he'd been stabbed in the arm in a battle and in the medical tent he'd said he was fine. So knowing that, you could understand my reluctance to believe him.

"Peter, isn't there something I could do?" I begged.

Peter sighed and then smiled at me, "You don't have to do anything Lulu, but I guess I'll have to find something for you to do or you won't leave me alone."

"I could tell you a story," I had suggested, then realized all my stories were in my notebook, "when I finally catch Edmund…"

Peter smiled and chuckled a bit, "Alright then, you can tell me a bedtime story tonight."

I smiled widely. It was no secret that none of us (with the exception of Susan) had been sleeping as well since we'd gotten back from Narnia. We'd all been plagued with confusing dreams and thoughts, especially Peter.

It seemed perfect; I could comfort my older brother, the High King, the immovable rock of courage, just like he had done for me so many times. About half an hour I discovered Edmund had put my journal back, probably bored with it because I had stopped chasing him.

I flipped through the stories; most of them were all mushy and romantic things that I'd dreamed about when I was in Narnia. Since we'd returned though, romantic stories hadn't been as interesting, when you were so young, romance probably didn't interest you as much either. I had managed to stay interested in them long enough to jot them down, but that was it.

Susan had adored them when I read them to her originally. But later on, since they took place in Narnia, she thought the fantasy element was plain ridiculous and that I should take it out. I had strongly refused. But now I was finding myself wondering if Peter would like to hear these stories. Males don't have the appreciation for love stories, and even I doubted the romantic element now.

I decided then that Peter was different than most males, he'd enjoy it.

Peter had always been different. When Susan had friends over at the house we lived in before the war they often talked about boys. One of them, named Margot had often talked about Peter. Susan would look at her in disgust and change the subject.

Yet when I grew up in Narnia I had started to understand Margot's point of view. Peter never stole people's things and ran around with them. He never was disrespectful; he was kind, responsible, and fairly attractive. I had (for a short period of time) developed a small crush on him. It was squashed after one conversation with Susan.

I was about twelve or so in Narnian years, a bit of an awkward age when my interest in boys started to surface. Susan was delighted at the idea of turning me into a "delightful young woman" and had immediately began talking to me about her idea of a dream boy.

"He'll be tall," she'd said, "preferably dark hair, educated, and be able to protect me."

I had made some sort of remark that her description kind of sounded like Edmund. In the few years we'd been in Narnia at the time, he'd grown taller, had dark hair, was very smart and a more than capable sword fighter. She'd exploded.

"Lucy what a horrid thought! Imagining me and Edmund together, how utterly disgusting!"

I hadn't understood at the time that love in a sibling in more than a platonic way was against the law and considered "wrong". Once Susan had explained it all to me, I had refused to be in the same room as Peter for about a week. After that still I'd felt something when I looked at him, but ignored it.

The point being, I'd always thought Peter was a special person, he'd like my stories.

By bedtime I had convinced myself enough that I'd walked passed an already snoring Edmund over to Peter's bed and sat of the edge of it. Peter pulled off his shirt and snuggled under the covers; I couldn't but help noticing there were a few good sized bruises forming on his back.

"Alright Lu'," Peter said using his hand to prop up his head, "go ahead."

I read him a story I'd written about Princess Sarah and Prince Adam, two children who had been sucked into a magical world. Almost the story of us in Narnia but Sarah and Adam weren't related, and they fell in love, got married and eventually Adam became a king.

It was a fairly long story and though I could see Peter was trying to stay awake; but by the time I was done he'd fallen asleep.

He looked so peaceful when he slept, his blonde hair fell over his eyes, his lips were slightly parted and he was lightly snoring. I was planning on leaving, I'd helped Peter fall asleep and I was proud of that, but something made me stay.

When I was in Narnia, I'd often wondered what it would be like to kiss Peter, just a small peck, not erotic or anything, on the lips. I was curious, I had had my first kiss in Narnia, but I was still a bit curious. I wasn't as "in love" as I had been in Narnia, and the prospect of kissing a boy was still a little strange to my young brain, but it was either do it now or wonder forever. After a few minutes of debating I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.

Remember I was only seven or so, so everything was fairly innocent. Just two sets of lips pressed lightly together, no tongue, nothing. It felt nice, strange, but very comforting at the same time. Much nicer than the kisses I'd shared with others in Narnia, but also very different.

Peter made a small noise and a jumped backwards, making a slight thud as I fell off the bed and hit the floor. He shifted slightly but didn't wake up.

He didn't know. That fact relieved me, I was so concerned at that point that I'd broken a law or something by kissing my brother on the lips that I sped out of that room and into the one Susan and I shared.

"Did Peter like the story?" Susan asked curiously.

I nodded and nervously bit my lower lip, "Yes, he liked them, he's asleep now though."

Susan nodded, apparently happy with my response and turned out the light.

I couldn't sleep though. What if they found out? Would I go to jail? Would Peter hate me forever?

But he never did find out, we lived our lives normally and I discovered of course that I didn't break a law by kissing my brother.

Peter had suggested the next morning that I go into writing in more detail, maybe get something published.

I never did because I believe writing down memories is much more emotional and personal than anything a newspaper could appreciate.

I've grown out of my little crush on Peter that probably formed out of circumstance in Narnia more than anything else. There's this boy in my class name Phillip who I think is pretty cute, Edmund keeps calling him a horse though…

But who knows? Maybe long after I'm gone people will discover this story, in this journal, and wonder whatever happened to that little girl.


End file.
